It’s been over two months since I ran the London Marathon. In that time I managed a few park runs and also did a really amazing run weekend with my running club called the Green Belt Relay where between a team of 11 people you run 220 miles around the Green Belt of London over Saturday and Sunday whilst competing against other clubs and teams. It was great fun!
After the Green Belt Relay, Stu and I went on holiday and it was really nice to have a bit more of a break from all the strict training I had done in the first 16 weeks of the year. (Plus the holiday was AMAZING).
On the Tuesday that we got back I was really quite tired from getting back so late from Budapest the night before, so thought I’d leave the running club for one more week.
Unfortunately that week I discovered that my wonderful nan is really very ill and went into hospital.
The first week was really difficult and I was emotionally drained. I decided another week off was best. Plus, I was going home at the weekends to check on my mum, as it is her mother in hospital and I want to make sure she is okay as well throughout all of this. Therefore I was missing out on my local ParkRun as I didn’t want to leave mum on her own in the morning.
In the mix I also discovered I had an interview for an amazing job and so even though it would have been great to go to the club and release some stress and tension, for another week, I had to stay at home to prepare.
I mean, I could have run on my own but I didn’t particularly want to. I run without music and just my thoughts and I don’t really want to run with my current thoughts. I don’t want to think about the sad thing right now. Maybe I wouldn’t think about the bad things but I can’t allow my mind to wonder and potentially start to address how I am really feeling right now.
In good news I got the amazing job that I had been prepping interviews for and I’ll be the new Marketing Campaigns Manager at the Battersea Arts Centre come August. It’s the dream role and dream venue and on top of that, it’s not too far away from home which means I can continue with my running club when I start the job there.
Overall it’s been 36 days since I have ran. I feel really upset about it.
In the time that I haven’t been running I have felt pretty low, I’ve put on weight and I feel super lazy and not particularly productive or motivated.
Whether this is just from stopping running or whether it’s a mix of the emotions that come with coming to terms with knowing you have limited time with someone you love – I’m not sure but now it’s been quite a while since I just went for a run.
I’m starting to feel nervous about lacing up the trainers again. What if I’m not good anymore? What if this lack of motivation continues? What if my running clothes don’t fit?
I know it’s only been a short time off but compared to training 4 times a week, like at the beginning of the year, I now feel like a novice.
I want to start again! I need to start again!
I miss the friends I made at the club. I miss my fitness levels and the way a run releases stress. I miss the feeling of being proud of completing a run and feeling good that I am active.
My main aim is to just enjoy it again. So even if right now I just run once a week, at the club, as a social activity, then that’s what I need to do.
And so one run a week right now is enough. It’s all I need to set myself. Especially as I imagine I’ll continue to go home at the weekends to see my mum and so will miss out on upcoming Park Runs as well.
So the current goal: just to run.
No matter how far or for how long. I need to take the advice of one of the biggest sports brands and Just Do It.
So I’m packing my gym bag tonight and plan to join the great people at Ranelagh Harriers tomorrow night.
By writing this blog and putting my goal publicly I hope it will encourage me more.
But I’ll let you know how it goes…