On Monday I tried out a yoga session, it was really hard and I found half way through my session I was crying. I don’t know why but I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness.
At lunchtime I went to my local Headway group for the first time. My experience with brain injury survivors before this had just been with my friend Will and when I saw him it was always positive, nice to see him and a catch up.
However this was totally different. The amazing members at the group spoke about the struggles and frustrations of the effects of brain injury.
I left and when I got back to the office I found myself really upset. It was heartbreaking to hear some of their worries. It was great that they have Headway and a place where they can talk about how they feel and be supported but I guess I wasn’t prepared for the intensity of the situation.
It definitely reminded me that the work Headway does is amazing and my small impact on raising some money and awareness is important.
Come Tuesday running club session, I was still sore from Yoga and not in the mood. It felt hard but ended up having a great session. We went back to the same place we’d been in the first week and as I ran around the block I could feel the improvement from 7 weeks before. It was also nice to be at the club and I am really starting to feel like I belong.
When I came home the sadness hit again. I looked at my marathon plan on my wall and realised there is still over 8 weeks to go. In this time I have barely seen Stu! He’s been working really hard at the moment and rather than being there for him I’ve just been sleeping from tiredness or out running.
When I signed up no one told me the effects of a marathon on a relationship. When you’re running a marathon you become selfish, you put you and your running before anything else; social life, lie ins, an actual Sunday. You’re totally committed to the cause in order to run those 26.2 miles and cross that finish line.
But I didn’t even think that by putting the marathon first, the person who I care most about would feel and become second in my life.
It feels horrible and I can’t image how it feels for him. I don’t want to be this selfish person.
But I’m here now and I signed up to do this and I have to, especially after going to Headway on Monday I know more than ever how they need my little bit of help.
Stu is an amazing person and I know that even though this is a difficult thing for him to live with he’ll support me all the way; he’ll be there at the finish line and he’ll be proud of me at the end. I really can’t thank him enough for it all especially because I really need his support to do it.
By Wednesday it hit me. What the hell am I doing? Why am I doing this? How come it doesn’t seem this hard for everyone else? I was done in.
The 7 and a bit weeks of training had all caught up with me. I took Thursday and Friday off of running and decided to rest my body and my mind.
I did my 10 mile on Saturday and still felt ridiculously tired. I knew I needed some more rest to get over it – but this came with letting another person down.
My friend had organised a dinner party, went to real effort to make it amazing and I just couldn’t go and with that I had to cancel. I feel awful but my health and my body need to come first. This feeling of letting people down is pretty pants.
I think for any first time marathon runners training properly like me you need to be prepared that it is impossible to keep your life outside running the same as before training.
I was feeling low but then I received an email from Virgin Money Giving: You’ve been sponsored. This always makes me feel good because it means someone is supporting me and believes that I can do it.
When I opened it up to see who it was I was humbled to find it was one of the members from the local Headway group! I couldn’t believe it. I never went to the session to get the members to sponsor me but I am so grateful and this sponsorship means so much coming from a member.
This marathon is hard. But on weeks like this I need to remind myself it’s just running. It’s only 16 weeks of my life and it’s for an amazing cause.
A big thanks to everyone who listened to me this week moaning or crying, worrying if I could still do it or not and telling me that I can.
I’ve had a wobble this week but I’m not quitting. It’s half way through now and really there’s only 5/6 hard weeks left before tapering…then it’s just the race.
It’s time to put my positivity pants back on and tackle the next 2 months.
It will all be worth it in the end.
I’m running the London Marathon to raise money for Headway, the brain injury association. You can sponsor me here: uk.virginmoneygiving.com/SiobhanSharp
To find out more about Headway and what they do visit their website here.