Feeling excerified

I don’t usually do mid-week posts but here we are.

I can’t lie, there are parts of me that feel absolutely terrified about doing the London Marathon. In fact even when I just think about the day I get nervous.

Back in 2014 when I did my first ever half marathon I was so nervous I threw up 4 times before getting to the start line. Stu said it was a stupid thing to do as all my hydrating would have gone out the window, he’s definitely right but I just couldn’t control the feelings.

Recently I’ve been reading a few books to keep me inspired to get out running. One of them was Vassos Alexander’s book Don’t Stop Me Now (A great, funny and inspiring book) the other I’ve only just started is called Keep On Running: The Lows and the Highs of a Marathon Addict by Phil Hewitt.

Both books discuss the London Marathon, and when I read it I get these butterflies in my stomach and when they tell me about crossing the line I feel like I’m about to well up and cry as I read it on the tube. Why? I don’t know.

I have no doubt there will be tears on the day and I imagine my stomach will be doing somersaults for most of the night and morning before we begin.

There is definitely excitement in there as well but both terrified and excitement co-exists together; excerified.

The thing is running is so mental, so even though I can do all the training needed I don’t know if on the day my head will take me all the way?

And people keep mentioning what can only be described as the ‘wall of doom’. The wall you hit when you have nothing left to give. It doesn’t sound nice at all. If I hit the wall will I have enough to keep going? Will I hit the wall? If I do I hope it’s at least past 20miles.

I haven’t been so scared about anything in such a long time. I’ve publicly announced I’m doing the London Marathon, Headway are counting on me, friends and family have sponsored me. The only person who can achieve this is me, I am relying only on myself to get this done.

ARRGGHH.

I want to do Headway and my family and friends proud, but I also want to be proud of myself. And I really want to cross that finish line and feel all types of joy that I’ve heard people describe after finishing a marathon.

I am totally excerified but I’ve just got to keep putting in the hard work and keep going.

I can’t wait for it…but I also can.


I’m running the London Marathon to raise money for Headway, the brain injury association. You can sponsor me here: uk.virginmoneygiving.com/SiobhanSharp

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